THIS IS PART ONE OF A RESTORATION OF ARCTIC EXPEDITION ARTICLES ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE 2006 SEASON THROUGH THE END OF 2007.
*Trudges through the snow to the podium in the center of Expedition Field*
The year is 1825, and the Expedition has begun its 3rd season of competitive baseball amidst the frozen glaciers and barren terrain of the Arctic. This is not an easy climate to live in, but we are a rugged bunch, and this is where we like to call home. The Expedition participated in drastic changes in the off season, as Taproot was rebuilt from the bottom up, and the organization was forced to revamp the entire team. Long time Expeditors such as Hank Blalock and Jose Reyes have been passed over in favor of Expeditor Kazmir and Expeditor Markakis. For those of you who are familiar with the Expedition, you will be pleased to know that due to an overwhelming majority vote just a few hours ago at the local bar, the position of Chief Expeditor was once again given to Tomo Ohka. Chief Expeditor Ohka silenced a separatist movement staged by Justin Morneau last season and gained the popularity of the players and coaching staff due to his drunken rampages and excessively violent mannerisms. Upon acceptance of the Expeditions most prestigious title, Ohka merely chugged a beer and in a surprising move pulled out a gun and shot Expeditor Crisp who is only expected to be at Glacier Hospital for the next 10 days. In addition to the discovery of a new ice pond by Barry Bonds and the installation of a better heating system for the Minor League Tents courtesy of Colonel Reggie Sanders, Raul Ibanez has been placed in charge of a new program invented by Ohka. This is called the Arctic Bargain Bin, and it is a way to keep players motivated on their work and not on off the field antics. Each week one player of the Expedition will be chosen and thrown out on the open market due to disciplinary problems or for Ohka’s own personal amusement. This weeks Arctic Bargain Bin player is Expeditor Jose Contreras. He was reportedly attempting to haze rookie Joel Zumaya by forcing him to throw rocks at penguins behind the stadium. Stay tuned for weekly updates from the Arctic.
Tags: arctic expedition, bargain bin, beer, coco crisp, colonel, expedition field, Fantasy Baseball, hank blalock, joel zumaya, jose reyes, justin morneau, Nick Markakis, penguins, raul ibanez, reggie sanders, scott kazmir, tomo ohka
