Late trade announcement

In the very early morning hours of April 6th, 2008 The Arctic Expedition struck a deal with the Jose Reyes Spanish Academy. Alex Rios, originally acquired for Russell Martin, was moved in an 8 player deal. Alex Rios, Dan Johnson, Jason Schmidt, and Gustavo Chacin were moved for Rick Porcello, Jordan Walden, Austin Kearns, and Miguel Batista. I am VERY high on Porcello as an elite major league talent in waiting. I truly feel great about the players the arctic got back in return for the stud outfielder in Toronto. I meant to announce this earlier, but just didn’t do it. After getting going 0-3 the first week, the arctic has rebounded to go 2-1 in our second week, and we are looking good to go 2-1 again in our 3rd week. With a wealth of young talent now flowing in the minors, the future for this franchise has never been brighter. In the mean time, keep your faith in Markakis, Longoria (called up last week), Upton, Lincecum, and John Maine. ARCTIC 4 LIFE!

Jurassic Shelter

<I want to credit visual paradox for providing this highly entertaining picture>

Bumgarner shuddered in the dark, holding up his lantern with one hand and using the other hand to cover his mouth from the sound of his breath. A few igloo’s away expeditor Kearns was prepared to use a rusty shovel if the nightmare drew any closer. What they had experienced…was not the trickery of any human being.

“Millions of teeth marks were carved into my wall last night. Bright as blow torches and dark as coal, screaming for me to obey the dark raptor. I begged for mercy…and cried under my pillow for hours.” — Expeditor Walden

“It was definitely a raptor..” Markakis said. “Once again I will repeat… it was definitely a raptor. Another of Kazmior’s recruits, Corey Hart has fallen into misery and gloom. Pujols will guard camp from here on out. GM Sharoyan please keep your monsters in the shelter at night. Thank you.”

Article #2: “Silence is Broken” 7/3/06

 THIS IS PART TWO OF A RESTORATION OF ARCTIC EXPEDITION ARTICLES ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE 2006 SEASON THROUGH THE END OF 2007.

 ”There was a terrible ice storm that afternoon he first came to camp…temperatures around 50 below zero, so cold you could practically feel your skin turn to stone. I found 4 penguins in the bullpen the next morning frozen to death, laying on the floor with their faces half buried in the ice, one of them covering up a secret diary Zumaya had been using to figure out the true meaning of Pronk. [This eventually led to allegations Reggie Sanders sold cocaine to Justin Huber and a highly intoxciated Coco Crisp leading a graveyard pillaging looking for Thurman Munsons lost treasure (Crisp was arrested the same night for public indecency and reckless driving---twice) ] It was the kind of afternoon when the Expedition would gather around for the weekly scrabble tournament (Ohka banned Monopoly after Expeditor Fielder refused to recycle an unopened can of coke…and Candy Land was banned when Bannister invited Bartolo Colon over and he bitched over the excessive air conditioning and Peanubutter Sandwich night with no bread or plates). We were sitting around the Frosty Trout Bar, sipping on some MGD’s when we saw the door bust open, and expeditor Kearns said that a strange man was standing out in the middle of the Ice Storm not moving or saying a word, just staring at Ohka’s apartment. We walked outside to investigate and sure enough, a hard throwing Dominican left hander was just staring through Ohka’s window without moving. A few minutes later, expeditor salty knocked on Ohka’s door, and out came Ohka with some rather chilling news. ‘I awoke this afternoon to find a mirror by the side of my bed that i had never seen before, i looked into the mirror and I saw a reflection of myself in a hurricane, in a flood, and in a forest fire…and when I stepped away from the mirror the words “Natural Disasters” were carved into my wall in blood, a minute later I received a phone call with no answer on the other line, then a letter slipped under the door saying ‘Leave on your own terms, or leave on my terms’—The Expedition Guardian, minutes later, my windows shattered , my unopened beer bottles disappeared into thin air, and my autographed Papelbon Pez dispenser melted before my eyes. Then this man just appeared outside, and has been staring at me ever since, I’ve been informed by higher authorities that my time is up’ Ohka took a bag of skittles, a dead raccoon, and some scrap paper, and headed west. The man standing outside assumed immediate control of the Expedition, and made sweeping organizational changes through newly appointed Vice Guardian Markakis. Markakis banished several players from ever returning to the ice and from experiencing stress related symptoms after 4:00 in the afternoon. Expedition Guardian Liriano is in a state of permanent meditation in the middle of a nearby glacier, and does not take kindly to interruptions. He is believed to possess unnatural powers and can supposedly charge Triple A batteries by merely using his eyes. The crime rate is down, the attendance remains zero, and participation at Expedition Church is now at 100%. The Expedition has found its savior, a holy man that came from the far reaches of a frozen wasteland not yet explored, and not yet understood by the distinguished Taproot community. Expedition Marriage Counselor Myers Out.”

Article #1: “The expedition lives” 4/11/06

 THIS IS PART ONE OF A RESTORATION OF ARCTIC EXPEDITION ARTICLES ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE 2006 SEASON THROUGH THE END OF 2007.

 *Trudges through the snow to the podium in the center of Expedition Field*

The year is 1825, and the Expedition has begun its 3rd season of competitive baseball amidst the frozen glaciers and barren terrain of the Arctic. This is not an easy climate to live in, but we are a rugged bunch, and this is where we like to call home. The Expedition participated in drastic changes in the off season, as Taproot was rebuilt from the bottom up, and the organization was forced to revamp the entire team. Long time Expeditors such as Hank Blalock and Jose Reyes have been passed over in favor of Expeditor Kazmir and Expeditor Markakis. For those of you who are familiar with the Expedition, you will be pleased to know that due to an overwhelming majority vote just a few hours ago at the local bar, the position of Chief Expeditor was once again given to Tomo Ohka. Chief Expeditor Ohka silenced a separatist movement staged by Justin Morneau last season and gained the popularity of the players and coaching staff due to his drunken rampages and excessively violent mannerisms. Upon acceptance of the Expeditions most prestigious title, Ohka merely chugged a beer and in a surprising move pulled out a gun and shot Expeditor Crisp who is only expected to be at Glacier Hospital for the next 10 days. In addition to the discovery of a new ice pond by Barry Bonds and the installation of a better heating system for the Minor League Tents courtesy of Colonel Reggie Sanders, Raul Ibanez has been placed in charge of a new program invented by Ohka. This is called the Arctic Bargain Bin, and it is a way to keep players motivated on their work and not on off the field antics. Each week one player of the Expedition will be chosen and thrown out on the open market due to disciplinary problems or for Ohka’s own personal amusement. This weeks Arctic Bargain Bin player is Expeditor Jose Contreras. He was reportedly attempting to haze rookie Joel Zumaya by forcing him to throw rocks at penguins behind the stadium. Stay tuned for weekly updates from the Arctic.

The Ice Cavern of Tragedy

As I wrote on here yesterday Tim Lincecum was supposed to get the start vs Chad Billingsley last night in Los Angeles. However, both the Giants and Dodgers scrapped those plans shortly before game time due to the threat of ominous weather.. only to have both of them wind up pitching anyway. Lincecum picked up a win in relief of Merkin Valdez, but only by battling through a 72 minute rain delay in the process. If Lincecum had gotten hurt by being kept in a game he probably should have been removed from I would have been LIVID. Fortunately, this is a non-issue and it seems he was healthy and up to the task. Markakis, Rios, and Upton are continuing to justify their elite status as arctic anchors by producing on a consistent level in the early going. Even though it is very early in the season thus far I am getting noticeably impatient with the expedition. I believe this has less to do with whats happening on the field than it does with my stress level in general.

 In other news, expeditor Gregg has been seen taking long walks alone these first few days.  He was spotted by new SP Tim Alderson entering the ice cavern of tragedy shortly after night fall. “It’s one of those places on the outskirts of camp that everybody knows about but nobody dares to mention” said expeditor Buck. ”Markakis has said some pretty terrible things happened in there, long before our time.” “Penguin sacrifices, frost lizards, another Matt Cain disappearance, who knows what happened in there” says Billingsley. Arctic super hero Albert Pujols put down his cup of coffee and his cape long enough to give some insight on this unholy ground as well: “wandering players with sickly complexions is a clear sign of the dark lord Kazmior.  I prefer not to discuss the place where laughter goes to retire and gloom hangs on the door like a cement block. There is little doubt Kazmior was in that cavern in the early part of the 2006 season. Our ancestral predators remain in those halls…that is as much information as I care to divulge at this time.” Gregg will be monitored closely these next few weeks, a dangerous situation which could lead not only lead to permanent expulsion from the arctic, but the revisiting of old fiends that bear the mark of something much darker and more chilling than any member of the expedition would care to confront.

Lincecum ready for first start of 2008!

In honor of the expedition sorceror’s first start of the year, it’s ice box give away night at expedition field. The first 500 fans in attendance will also get a $5 voucher good for any two beers at the trout through the end of the season.

I am MILDLY upset that Lince has to face Billingsley in his first start as this hurts the arctic as a whole, however it should be a good game. Pray for a LOW score.

Gangs of Siberia

“Bill: I’m forty-seven. Forty-seven years old. You know how I stayed alive this long? Fear. Fearsome acts. A man steals from me, I cut off his hand. If he offends me, I cut out his tongue. If he stands up against me, I cut off his head, stick it on a pike and lift it up for all to see. A spectacle of fearsome acts. That’s what maintains the order of things. Fear.”

-Daniel Day Lewis as “Bill the Butcher” in [Gangs of New York]

 I just find Daniel Day Lewis outstanding as an actor, I offer my apologies for this sidetrack from the expedition, I just felt it was necessary to share this.

Proud to welcome the expedition class of ‘08

Overall, I am quite pleased with how our auction went and I feel the arctic has positioned itself nicely for the next few years. The Arctic Expedition class of ‘08 includes: SP David Price (Tampa Bay), SS Mike Moustakas (Kansas City), SP Fautino De Los Santos (Oakland), 3B Chris Davis (Texas), OF Austin Jackson (New York), SP Tim Alderson (San Francisco), SP Madison Bumgarner (San Francisco), SP Chris Tillman (Baltimore), SP Brett Anderson (Oakland), C John Buck (Kansas City), CL Kevin Gregg (Florida), 3B Pedro Alvarez (undrafted), SP Aaron Crow (undrafted), and last but not least SP Lance Lynn (undrafted).

Just days after auction was over we traded SP A.J. Burnett (Toronto) to the Pujols Junkies for SP Ian Kennedy (New York). With Kennedy’s contract years not yet determined, we locked him up for the next 3 years. I am a big believer in Kennedy’s ability to command the strike zone and pitch intelligently, both of which I think will help him win many games backed the powerful Yankees offense.

 Early Notes: Arctic expedition chosen son Nick Markakis got off to a good start opening night vs SP James Shields. Call me crazy, but I not only think he will top 20 stolen bases this year, I actually expect him to approach the realm of 30. I truly think he just loves to play the running game, and considering the state of the Orioles offense in the year 2008, I really doubt they will hold Nick back from making things happen anyway he can. B.J. Upton knocked in a couple of runs last night and Alex Rios had a steal and a base hit tonight vs Chien Ming Wang and the Yankees. There is a lot to like right now in the arctic, but there is also reason to be realistic and not push the panic button early, as just 23 total points through 12:24 AM right now is the lowest weekly total in the league thus far. <sigh> I will conclude this entry by offering my sincere apologies to Casey Kotchman: I REALLY shouldn’t have benched you in favor of Elijah Dukes…its torture knowing I have to wait until this coming Monday to make amends.

Itinerary

For those new to the expedition I will be posting a chronology of articles from the 2006 and 2007 seasons in the coming days. Each article helps shed some light on what the arctic is all about and what I am all about as an owner and story teller. There is a rich history to this franchise and I would like to share it with the world.

Auction night has arrived

Fellow expeditors and expedition fans, as GM of the arctic expedition, I am proud to announce that tonight is auction night. This past off season has kept the front office incredibly busy, as we have led the league in trades made. But by shipping off Anthony Reyes and Daric Barton to the Boston Bearcats for Dan Johnson right at the midnight deadline, we have at last finalized our roster for all the excitement and drama that the coming hours will have to offer us. Stay tuned late tomorrow night or early on Saturday for the announcement of 14 new expeditors. May the cold winds and gray skies guide us to a polar dynasty.